Tooting and Balham women share their experience of abuse

Annie Pope, Balham I'm 59 years old. I have lived in Balham for about 18 years. Prior to that, I lived in Bermondsey. I have a story from a while ago but I think it will resonate with many women now. I had been out after work and it was Autumn time, so it was dark when I was coming home.

I was probably about three hundred yards from home in a relatively well-lit street walking next to a park. Three young men came out of the park, one put his arm on my throat and all of them forced me onto the pavement. Fortunately, I landed on my handbag when I fell, so I was able to protect my belongings. They were trying to wrestle my bag away from me while I was on the pavement. I was very fortunate that someone further down the road had just come out of their flat and got into their car. They turned their headlights on full beam and started to sound their horn, which led the three men to run away.

Even though I was bruised and scared they didn't manage to steal anything. The experience itself was really shocking and for a long time afterward, I was very anxious about walking while hearing people coming up behind me. Particularly if they were moving at speed, runners for example would cause me to squeak and leap out of the way. The police did come to my flat the evening it happened but I'd say that the empathy was pretty limited.

They told me that there was very little chance of ever catching anyone associated with the assault on me, even though they had a good idea of who it was likely to be. Essentially what I got was a lecture about drinking and coming home after dark. Like a lot of women, I have strategies when I go out about how I am going to get home safely, which is really quite shocking. I shouldn't need to do that. The fact that I had had a couple of drinks, the fact it was dark, the fact that I was on my own shouldn't make a victim.

Nobody else has the right to make me a victim and I don't think it's the role of the police to tell me I need to be more careful.

Emma Hutchison, Wandsworth

My name is Emma. I am 29 years old. I live just by Wandsworth Common. I'm a lawyer and I've been in London now for about two and a half years. I am originally from Scotland. I can relate to the outpouring of grief and fury that a lot of young women are feeling right now.

There is a real sadness to what happened to Sarah when she was doing something that should have been a really normal thing to do. As she was taking all of the precautions that she had been told to take even though we shouldn't have to. I think street harassment is still such a major problem. I can remember being as young as 12 and having older boys or men hanging out of car windows shouting obscene things.

From then on you grow up thinking that every time you leave the house it will happen - and when it doesn't it is actually surprising. You find yourself thinking that you must look really ugly today, which is an absolutely ridiculous thing to think.

Just last week I was walking home from my boyfriend's which is about a fifteen-minute walk. It was an extremely busy A Road and then a busy B Road, it was the first thing in the morning so there were a lot of people walking dogs, a lot of traffic. As I was crossing at a set of traffic lights some men in a van who were waiting for the lights to go green started shouting a lot of incomprehensible stuff in my direction. Initially I ignored it and continued walking to my home. They followed me around the corner and stopped in road near to where my house was. They were shouting obscene things about my bum and what they wanted to do to me. I think I mostly felt really angry. I didn't necessarily feel scared in that moment but if that had happened at night or a quieter time I probably would have. They'd have known where I live because my automatic reaction would have been to run to the door. I think living alone now in particular has made it even more obvious that I need to be taking more precautions and checking in with my boyfriend, family and friends. I feel like I am a strong, independent woman and that isn't a nice situation to be in.

Anonymous, Tooting Bec

I live in Tooting Bec and until October 2020 I worked in the area of Poynders Road, from where we now know Sarah Everard was abducted and murdered. As a result, I've walked on my own in the area between Clapham and Brixton at least twice on a daily basis, and so have naturally been affected by this tragic case. I would like to focus on Sarah, but of course, we know that what happened to her isn't that rare.

What is so shocking about cases like this is how they result in conversations which demonstrate that pretty much every woman has experienced some level of harassment, abuse, or violence whilst innocently going about their business, whether it's in this particular locality, across London and indeed the rest of the UK.

I have lost count of the number of times I have altered my own behaviour - either in response to the actions of a man or as a street-smart precaution I wish I didn't have to take. A keen walker and runner, I'm catcalled all the time, whatever I'm wearing and it really doesn't feel like a compliment when it happens.

I've been backed into a tree whilst running in a park, by a man who told me I wasn't getting away or going anywhere. That incident happened first thing in the morning in daylight and the man in question was actually witnessed and no one stopped to help me.

I reported this incident to the police, who were nice and sympathetic, but who ultimately couldn't help and suggested I buy a rape alarm or maybe not go running in that park again. Last summer, actually metres from my front door in Tooting Bec I was cornered by a group of young men who were about my age and who loudly and continually stated that they wanted to take me out and would I come with them? When I awkwardly laughed them off saying "sorry, but I don't know you" they became more aggressive, surrounding me and laughing, not taking no for an answer. This particular exchange concluded with one of these men coming very close to me, despite Covid-19 restrictions, and whispered, "I bet you're tight".

I own a rape alarm. I took it on a first-date once despite it taking place on busy Tooting Bec Common because the man in question was messaging persistently and obsessively, even before the date. He put so much pressure on the whole occasion, telling me he'd be really sad if I couldn't make it because he'd been so good to me in respecting my wish to not chase up my texts when I left it more than an hour before replying. I thought I'd give the benefit of the doubt, because our early conversations had been really nice. I felt uncomfortable throughout the whole thing.

I set up a system with my closest female friend whereby I'd set an alarm on my phone every hour and send her a message containing either one or two heart emojis. One heart meant that all was well and two hearts meant that I was in danger and she needed to get some help for me. I resent the fact that I had to do this, but the man I dated that day actually pressured me to go back to his car after I'd said I wasn't really interested in taking things further, and by his car he gave me a card which he must have written in before the date containing declarations of love despite this being our first meeting and when I'd finished reading it he outstretched his arms towards me and said: "what now?" in a way which seemed to mean, "what do I get now?".

I walked away, very briskly. I don't think he was a pervert, I just think he was completely oblivious to just how weirdly he was coming across and how his actions could have been interpreted because a woman's natural instinct all the time is to consider how she will protect herself. Why so much pressure on everything, especially to go back to his car? I've had guys try to cntact me through my friends after I've rejected them, persistently and obsessively, and one has threatened to turn up at my place of work if I didn't respond.